Yesterday was my anniversary, it was warm sunny and beautiful so i was for sure it was gonna be a great day. My hubby woke up early took Audrina shopping for my present and i thought he had something really sweet planned for us. I was wrong! he came home we play cod till 4:30 i finally got ready to go thinking he was gonna take me out,we went to long horn steak house for dinner and to see fast five. The whole day he was on his cell phone texting even during cod!! which usually if i do that he yells at me so i was shocked to see him more into his phone than the game. With that being said it has made me think that the time is coming that he is looking for something else? He kept hiding his phone and wouldnt tell me who he was talking to. I turned it off in the car because he asked me to throw it on the charger so shut it off to charge sure enough he turns it back on. We get to the resturant sit down and we dont speak he is just on his phone! So i just started texting people on my phone we pretty much sat in silence the whole dinner. We had small talk but it was pathetic we couldn't keep up a conversation with each other. First and probably only time we will get to do something alone for a while and it was like a normal day out! He had a puss on his face because i finished my dinner faster than him and just sat there and i of course ask him what is wrong and he stated "nothing just feels like another day to me" really?! Am i not that special enough to him that he couldn't of gone outside the box to do something really sweet! he use to be cute and do sweet spontaneous stuff all the time. I feel like im losing his interest and if so he should just let go i dont wanna keep begging for his attention love and tell him how to be cute and sweet he should just do it. I figured he would buy me flowers and a nice card take me out to dinner and maybe go to our first date place and just snuggle or something romantic. I can feel that the time is near that what we have been holding onto is slipping away its like walking on a very thin line and any moment one of us is gonna snap it for the other.
Im at a loss because what use to be is no longer and maybe im the blame for it but i know that we both deserve to be happy we both deserve to be loved and if im not it then im not it i dont wanna keep living with a curtain over the big picture because i can't keep pretending nothing is wrong and hold my feelings back. I have said all i needed to say i have done everything i possibly could im outta ideas and now its only up to him to start doing what he thinks he needs to do to keep this thing alive because im not sure i have what it takes to keep holding on much longer. I know they say if you love someone you will always find a way to keep holding on but really? when its a one way street and your the only one making it work it gets old it would be nice to know im loved back it would be nice to feel special again.
