Freedom Isn't Free

We live in a country where all men are equal so they have it written down, but our society has changed so much that we filled a world in hate and disgust. This is me I am who I am and I dont need to change for anyone. Haters are always going to talk find the flaws to point out and souly look for the bad in your life. Well continue to talk you keep me motivated to continue working harder. I just recently discovered a friendship of eight years was fake. It opened my eyes to all the drama I ever had. Im not perfect nor do I intend to be Im filled with flaws mistakes and fuck ups but thats life and I will never learn if I dont fall down every now and then. Never call someone a hypocrite if you can't turn around and admit you are one too. Because that right there proves you are one. Im tired of being put down and people saying they are better than me. Good for you, I couldnt be any happier that you have reached a point in your life that you have met sucess. But you have no reason to drag me down on my journey to reach that point too. I am a young mom. Im no where near perfect, I still search for the equal balance of having a social life as well as my duties as a mom. But you have nerve to sit there and say im a shit mom because every now and then I get a break to have some quality ME time. Just because you stay at home all day and post a million pictures to your facebooks doesn't make you mom of the year. Moms work go to school go out with friends work out, have drinks, and still continue to live there lives as they did before children its just all time managed now. I laugh at those who judge me. If you dont like me, and the things i do in life annoy you or have an impact on your life then if your so mature remove me. Its simple. I do not need to take a hint that im upsetting you. The first trait to being "better" than me is minding your own business and go about your own life. You do not live it, nor do you deal with the consequences of my actions. I DO! there for if anyone is to get frustrated or annoyed with how i live my life is ME! Friends are there support not judge and understand. give you your space when needed and lend a helping hand not dictate your every move, judge who you choose to talk too, or be friends with, not point out every flaw or bitch and complain about what your doing. I can admit all that i have done wrong no matter how hard it is, when brought up i can honestly and shamfuly tell you my flaws and mistakes but no friend should ever question you or judge you by it. Yes I do seek male attention, for not having my dad mostly in my life and having the run around with relationships I would like to have a relationship but its not your place to judge how i go about doing it. again a good friend would just give you kind advice and let you make your own mistakes. I get that friends try to protect you but there is a limit of when you cross the line. Im human I do several things thousands of other people do therefor im not alone. But I do know I have a big heart, I accept all, and get to know before I "judge" and if i disagree with that person so be it. I have grown up enough to know that i just need to walk away and mind my own. Yes I was a teen mom, I did live at my moms, but i had a husband who supported us, i dropped outta school to be a good wife and mom i did what any other girl at my age thought was right and it was right at the moment. Im now attending college and searching for a job. I have no bills a roof over my head and can fend for myself. How are you any better than me? we all struggle we all have our fall outs but if you think for one second that your materialistic lives make you better than me because you have the high value in cash then you are sadly mistaken. I have love, support, and dignity. Im not single minded to the world and though i have my opinions they are mine to have and if you disagree thats YOUR opinion doesn't make either one of us right or wrong. We created the world we live in one person thought of how this country should be ran the rules and regultions of it are all based on opinions and what they think is best for the moment. Together we fall, Together we grow strong, and no one ever truly knows what is best right or wrong. there are just guidlines as to how they think we should go about doing it. But were made unique and put together to make a diversed culture of several different ways to live life and do things. Gay straight bi, teen mom,  whatever your ignorant to think that we all need to live a life how one person thinks we should live. If you dont wanna be dictated, judged, or live the way someone else wants you to live why do you expect anyone else to souly be what you want them to be? I wont and I refuse to and if you dont like it then Im sorry your just not ment to be a person apart of my life. I am who I am and I will continue to do what i feel is best and if its wrong to you then pay no mind, continue to keep on the sucessful path you feel is best for you. But I am not weak i will voice my opinion and think about your actions before you call someone out point there flaws out or have something negative to say. because if its not what you want someone to do to you then you have no place to do it to someone else.  

Rocky

Not to long ago I pretty much lost everything. For close friends who have stayed by my side I can't thank you enough for keeping me in high spirits and giving me such kind words to help me stay motivated to get where I am today. Everyday we learn something new whether we realize it or not. When were not so busy caught up in the world and get the chance to step back use that time to influence you how you can do better. As most know I did not graduate from high school. I was pregnant by seventeen married by eighteen divorced by twenty. We always have a dream or vision of how life should be or what we want it to be but truth is no matter how hard we try to make it what we want there will always be something thats going to throw us off course. After three years I finally graduated with my GED. Never would I have thought I would be a teen mother with no education and married and divorced already! Sure something always sounds good within that moment but we forget or lose sight of what the consequences may be. This is were i learned my lesson on (Think before we Act/ Or Speak). For those who dont know yes richard and I are no longer together, We are now divorced but working through our problems. Our relationship will never be the same but as friends we are stronger than ever. We are no longer together and I do not forsee us getting back together but it is nice that we were able to mend the issue and become friends again. As for what happened between us I do not wish that was how things ended but I can say Im thankful for the lesson i have learned and I grew up from the whole situation. Rummors will always spread people will always gossip or have there own way of taking in a story but unless you do not fully know what was said then you should not say anything at all. Nor should you be telling someone elses business even if you do know. It takes a long time to become trusting of someone, so why would you want to break such a bond that you have with someone? Think before you act or speak. Because of the nasty break up People watched me hit rock bottom. It was there glory time they had all sorts of nasty things to gossip about and say about me. To set the record straight for anyone who has been with someone for five years think of the major emotions your going to experience especially married. Love is suppose to conquor all and when it doesn't you feel like you failed and anyone who knows the feeling of failure goes on a down hill spiral. When you have failed as a wife you feel that you fail as a friend, and a mother. If i couldn't have held my marriage together for myself and for the girls what was my purpose? For months i hid my feelings I never wanted to look weak. I partied and lost a reason to care. I stayed a good mom and placed the girls with there fathers care for i felt at that time was what was best for them. Doesnt mean im a bad mom or stopped loving them I don't think you can ever stop loving your child, but they did need to be in a stable envirornment and for anyone who put me down because of it has no idea how low i felt. and i needed to find myself. Here I am a year later some days are better than others but I still have insecurties worries and things i struggle through. Who doesn't? But to be so young and to come out of a divorce and now be on my way to school, have my career lined up I would say I held it together the best I could have at that moment and got my shit together. I love my daughters they are my world and my rock without them I probably would be way off the grid getting into who knows what. But im not. Im here supporting two children the best I can while trying to support myself and get myself where I should have been before i jump the trigger to starting a family. I can admitt im not as mature or nearly responsible as I thought I was. It took me to lose almost everything to realize I am still a child and I still need help and I can't do it all on my own and I need to slow down. Were always in a rush, to work, to school, through anything but slow down when it comes to growing up. Life is very short before you know it you will be graduated and out on your own when that day comes make sure your prepared because if your not you could end up on the downhill spiral. Life is always about a lesson how to work through it & what the value of that lesson is. Complaining is the easy route but taking the time to figure it out is worth the struggle. When asked the question what could you change about your life. Nothing is the answer. Because without downfalls we wont know how to be strong enough to stand where we stand today. Choices know your choices and consequences that go with them. Education isnt just about going to school and learning all about math science english and history its also about everyday life that help you make better choices to push forward. Never judge for it is ignorance. Were all different and were made that way for a reason no ones opinion is ever wrong nor right its an opinion and if it happens to be one you dont agree on so what you will never see eye to eye with everyone doesn't make them a bad person simply shows you the different CHOICES you could make in life. Until we open our eyes to what is actually out there and take advantage of our education we will continue to live in a hateful world. Everyone wants world peace without having the open mind to start the trend.

The new chapter

As promised there will be more blogs to come, Life for me is a tad bit complicated. For those who do not have children please do not judge younger mothers who are making the best of there situation. Yes we chose to have the beautiful blessings god gave us, but no one i do not care at what age is ever ready to care for another human being. People continue to ask me for advice about having children, how to prepare, or what to expect during and after pregnancy. So this blog is for you! As a teen mother i have learned to get successful you have to learn to make sacrifices. There is a time to be (selfish) and a time to be the most amazing mother you were set out to be. With pregnancy there comes several new emotions you could never truly prepare to deal with but there is a way to cope. Become friends with other mommies is my number one advice without other mommy support your going to pull your hair out with your new found hormones. There are so many what is the right or wrong thing you should be doing but motherhood is all on how you deal with it. Its a joyful time with friends and family and embrace that moment for it goes by quick. How to prepare. Well when you feel comfortable to share the exciting news there are several cute ways you can go about doing it to kinda kill off the nervousness. Dont be alarmed when there are people who dont seem (happy) for you because thats not is everyone takes pregnancy in there own way there are gonna be people who support you and be excited for you and then there are the people who are going to put you down and ask what the hell are you thinking. AGE doesn't make a difference to how good or bad of a mother you will be or already are. I dont recommend girls getting pregnant at 16 years old for your life is just beginning and you wanna enjoy the few teenage years your granted but please be ready for the major sacrafices there are to come. Parents are always the hardest ones to break the news to but know they love you and will support you no matter what happens to you in life. they may be disappointed but all the more motivation it gives you to prove to them you can do this and once they see those cute adorable faces they will have to come around. I mean who can resist a baby? Early signs of pregnancy for first timers usually do not come around till 8 weeks but all bodies are different. Make a doctors appointment speak to your OB and take the next step. When the time is right for you announce the news. Hormones are natural your gonna be moody annoyed and bitchy a lot its not you its your hormones and you do earn the free pass IM PREGNANT HELLO! haha. Nesting and cravings all come later i say mid trimester middle of your second almost to your third thats when you find out what your having, showing, and ready to start getting things for the new bundle of love. I always always always tell friends get the what to expect while expecting book its a pregnancy bible and it will answer all questions friends or pregnancy sites can't. And if that isn't enough ask your DR. Once baby comes get a routine even though your baby is a few weeks old if you set a routine and stick to it all the way till they are one you will gain your sleep back. the first years are fun. I always say dads may not come around till once the baby is here only for the sake that you have an instant bond the moment you find out your pregnant rather than dads who cant truly bond till they hold there child. so ladies dont fear that he isn't excited he is just doesn't fully sink it till that baby is saying hello im ready to come out. For working moms have no fear its natural to have more separation anxiety than your baby but were new moms is scary and no one ever wants to leave something they adore and love so much but they will be fine. and if you need to go out for fifteen minutes then try longer periods of time to be away till your comfortable moms do need there social life as well! I love being a mom with sacrifices there are beautiful and special moments to come raising children. your never alone any worry you have someone else has im not the mommy expert but as a young mom trying to make the best of life as i can its hard. I wont deny it. Some days i want my social life, or to go out, or to have a glass of wine, and for those who dont have children dont put down any mother unless you have all sources saying they are an unfit parents its not easy there is so many emotions and frustrations that its natural to need some mommy time alone. Motherhood is a wonderful "club" to be in and i wish all women who deserve to be parents have the chance to be parents. Never feel alone because someone out there is probably thinking the same thing you are or have the same worries as you but in the end they will love you no matter what and still cuddle up to you with those warming smiles that makes your rough day better. Its a time to learn and make mistakes everyone is going to parent different and have different views outlooks and experience never judge because its not easy.

A new flower has blossomed

Spring is the time blossom and blume into the beautiful flower you were destine to be. My story still continues even after i stop writing. I needed some me time, I feel that over this past year i have conquered so many things that now is my moment to stop and acknowledge all the hard work i put in to get myself here. Life is all about finding yourself, your interest, what you were destine to do or be, to over come fears ,face everyday challenges and the thats life. At times it sucks and when we feel alone those are the moments we need to try to accomplish most. You are never alone in life, sometimes we worry so much about being alone that we forget our priorities and when we get into a comfortable zone where we can have our cake and eat it too god seems to wanna give us our wakeup call that this is not how he wants us to be living. At 20 years old no wants to be divorced with two children and barely an education to get by on. I am currently working towards my CNA this summer && starting flcc in fall. If i could give any type of advice it would stop worrying about needing people. stop worrying about materialistics in life or what everyone else has. What others have isn't going to make you any better than them nor give you the happyness you see them have. In life its all about competition who can afford the most expensive items or who has the better clothes,car, spouse, house anything and everything we can compete with we will. And we lose ourself in that. We truly forget about what we do have and how to appreciate and cherish what we were already blessed with. I learned this very valuable lesson the past two months. It was a nice wake up call to see who truly was my friend who was able to stick it out and stay by my side. Who supported me and picked me up when i was at my weakest and i found myself. I was a victom of competition. I was wrapped up in jealousy over wanting the most expensive accessories we dont even need to survive. God took away all things i thought i could not live without and gave me no choice but to sink or swim. Im not a religous person but until god gave me a wake up call and alls had left to fall on was pray i started to believe in the wonderful miracles he blesses us with everyday. Life is such a beautiful thing when its so simple. I dont need a phone or 500 facebook friends to be happy. I do not need a man to take care of me, and i dont need what everyone else has. Because until we learn how to be happy with the basics in life we will never know true happyness when were granted the luxaries of everything there is to offer. This has been a major journey for me. Im currently happier than i have ever been in a long time. I am content with the few friends i have because more importantly i learned how to appreciate my family. Being isolated from the world helps you realize who you really need, the personalities of who you thought you needed in your life. and what you truly want and whats really important. If all people could actually go two months in what i call isolation mode with very little accesorries i think people would understand how to be happy and over come and clean out the chaos they creat in life. until then people will continue to be miserable and spiteful of others. Spring 2012 is the beginning to my new journey and im very excited to share with others, and see what there is to come! hope your ready for the new Bre and for those who always stayed by me supported me and liked reading my blogs thank you if it wasn't for you i wouldn't have a reason to write. my goal is to support and help im opening my heart and keeping and open mind to help all those in need and if there is anyway i can i will do my best. hope you enjoy and continue to read

Earthquake!!

So my world feels like im going through an earthquake. Sometimes natural disasters lead to beautiful  outcomes but during this shaky time you feel like you will never see the new foundation it has formed. Im over annoyed at the moment. I am 19, a Single mother of Two babies. 22 months and 8 months. Its rough. My husband and i divorced over the summer i fell apart but grew stronger. I feel as though im a willow tree. Strong and sturdy but have a few branches bent over every time I hit a down fall, But after that down fall my branches grow stronger and longer.  I have chosen to allow my Ex Husband and his current girlfriend take care of my girls. As a selfless act for my children I sacrifice my time with them to work two jobs and go to school to give them a better life down the road. I am not a bad mother, I am a strong mother. It takes a very strong women to give up her time with her babies to work hard for them. Everyday I miss out it eats me alive inside. I miss my girls more than anything in this world. I would give them everything I could to make sure they live a life full of happiness. I am 19, I am still a baby raising babies. I never had much of a child hood and I will admit the time that I do get to be like a teenager it feels amazing and wrong at the same time. Wrong because i feel guilty knowing that on my spare time i should be with them every second i get and also wrong because other people judge me saying Im a shitty mom, or i dont care about my girls. I find it funny that when my girls were born and i was married and the "ideal family" peopled idoled me and complimented me all the time on how strong I was and how amazing of a mom i was and how they hope to be as strong as me when they have children. And now that im this broken down family and a single mom trying to piece it together for them im some horrible person who doesn't like her children anymore. I love my girls they come first and always will. If i were joining the service would that make me a shitty mom for giving my girls a better future? NO! so why you must judge and cast false judgement on what im doing or listen to one side of the story is beyond me. If you must know my lifes plan here it is... I am moving out whether its out of state or some place else in ny i am 19 and i have two children i do not need to continue living at home with my  mommy im a big girl now and i need to start acting like one. I am working two jobs to save money to move out and go to school. And if i have to continue asking richard to watch the girls who stays at home and is very much capable of doing so I will take full advantage for  our girls to have a parent to suceed and be stable for them. If its not him it will be me. I am appauled that because I drink, or live the teenage life when I DO NOT HAVE THEM im horrible. Moms who are 21 all the way up to 40 drink have get togethers adult parties with their friends and go out every now and then. Just because i do not want to be that mother who has her midlife crisis at 35 and try to act my childrens age does not make me a shitty mom.I bet you most moms out there wanna scream pull there hair out at times want a break and often feel the way i do but your better than me cause you dont admit it. Wrong i admit it because i do not wanna hold regret or anger towards my children later on down the road. If you want to judge me or my parenting go ahead. I know what I am doing is the right thing. And for those who continue to talk shit about me as a mother should be thankful i was "smart" to let richard hold onto them.. Until  your a single parent or a parent at all and wanna judge me on what i think is best for my girls dont talk to me or about me cause you dont know! My girls are my world and forever will be im a momma bear and i dont play. And it would be selfish of me to keep them struggling like this just so i dont miss out. Being a full time stay at home mommy is hard i did it for a year in a half but when your a single mom on one income we need to do what we need to do and either way im missing out on there life whether there at daycare while i work or home with there daddy i will have the same amount time with them as i do now. so why people seem to talk shit cracks me up because im doing the right thing and what most parents have done out there. I love my girls very much and would give anything to spend every second of there life with them but with this economy i simply can't doing it alone. so for those of you who have something negative to say about what im doing FUCK OFF! cause when i can proudly say i own a nice home have a degree in nursing and can be the wonderful mom i was born to be i will be laughing because you chose to stay poor and selfish towards your child wanting to watch them grow up so you sit poor and miserable on your ass struggling while im providing the best life i ever could have for my girls!! so the next time you think twice to say im a shitty mom to my girls think twice about your own actions and how your gonna provide for your children.. while i sacrifice my time to make money for them you sit at home gossiping and bitching how broke you are leaching off of people and the govt to help you. And if i have offended anyone i appologize because there are different circumstances for stay at home moms and i get that. not all are unsucessful but for those who look at me and say omg i can't believe her and what she is doing i could never miss out on my childs life think twice about how different our situations are. cause you truly dont know, until you did my daily routine.

Things I Wanna Do Before I Die.

I'm a girl with many interest. I am willing to try something at least once to live and tell the story that I did it. Growing up I had many adventures and journeys i wanted to take. My head was filled with imagination and excitement on what this world had to offer me.Before I die... I wanna fly in an F18. I wanna travel outside the country to more than just Canada. I would love to see Italy, Australia, Ireland, England, Spain, && so much more. I love to learn new things and grow knowledge into other cultures and ways of living. I live my life with an open mind and an acceptance to everything. I  try not to judge until i have experienced it. I would love to go to another country and volunteer in need. I wanna expand more into my photography. I think life is a canvas and everything needs to be captured. I wanna sky dive. snorkle. deep sea dive. take a cruise. road trip to every state in america. I wanna be a nurse && then maybe change my proffession 10 years after that. Build a home. So much more and even though im 19 i feel like im already running outta time to do it all. I love to help and inspire. I live off positive and try to make others feel cheery and positive too. If i could go back in time to be a little kid i would say the simpler things made me happy. I wanna dance sing and kiss in the rain. Who said since im a big girl i can't get muddy! hike a huge moutain. I live for wild things too like learn how to drive a motorcycle. Drag race in a real draggster. I would love to take a trip to alaska. Put a smile on someones face. make someone feel good about themseleves. Give to others. I do have a softer side when i choose to put my guard down. I feel that before i die i will find my true purpose here and so far its passion and happiness. I just have a passion to learn something try it and share it. I live to make others feel happy even if i can't always make myself. Before i die i wanna give my girls the most in life i can and thats knowledge. Im  smart when i use it. I have potential if i try. I just hold back and im not sure why. I wanna go to a super bowl and root for the underdog.  I wanna ride in a hot air balloon. hang glide (spelling) Im not the brightest crayon in the box but i have a lot of dreams. some harder to reach than others but before i die i just wanna feel satisfied to know that i have made a mark in someones life changed it for a good reason and will forever be remembered. I wanna write a book even if it never gets published. Goals && my girls are what keep me striving to succeed. I dont have time to dwell on who is dating my ex husband and if your in love with me or not. Right now in my life at this very moment on i only have time to be the best mother i can be and achieve my dreams. If somone happens to slip the fingers between mine and go along for the ride thats fine just hope there ready for my joy ride of life.

Lost && Found

Im letting go of everything. Every emotion I ever felt is just being lost. I am so over annoyed pissed hurt confused lost at this point i dont even give a shit. I came out of a shitty break up this summer. I had all the friends in the world be there and stay by my side. Now who do i have to call && wanna hang out with? Who am i gonna text to cheer me up?! No one. All my good friends are outta state and miles away and i hope the selfish bastards who take me for granted feel like shit because my close friends outta state would do anything to have me be there and support && help them like i do you ignorant fucks here.Now see there is a lot of shit i keep to myself or just nod my head to even though i dont agree. As a good loyal friend who always keeps her word i stay by yourside till you say different. Well for whatever reason people seem to think im a mind reader and that im gonna understsand if im not talking to you anymore were not friends. Uh no bitch i dont get that if you dont say your upset with me or im bugging you im not gonna know && gonna keep bugging you till i piss you off and were at a screaming match! Im over it. I really am sick of people down my throat about how they dont matter and i dropped them off the face of the earth when truth is ITS YOU! when i call you dont answer. When i ask to hang out you say you have plans. When I offer my assistance in helping you say  your fine. Then i have to go on a fucking internet social network to find out your asking for help. or your bored and need plans. or your upset and wanna vent. YET WHEN I OFFER ALL THIS I GET SHIT ON! Im going through a rough time right now. I guess when your friends find boyfriends or get married you no longer matter cause your single and they dont have time to do anything with you. or even talk to you. Or when im upset and need someone and i dont turn to them im the shitty friend? No im so pissed! and annoyed! and feel just simply betrayed at how much someone changes over the course of a few weeks. I am honestly self destructing and shutting down. If im a bitch again im sorry. If i come off too strong. tough shit. If i just dont seem to give a shit anyore I DONT CARE! UGHH alls i wanted was to be loved and surrounded by good friends i can grow old with have get togethers with and just call when needed and when i wanna move to start knew to find these people im shitty. well as of now i simply dont give a fuck this girl is over love && friendship because to me its all bullshit!