Rocky

Not to long ago I pretty much lost everything. For close friends who have stayed by my side I can't thank you enough for keeping me in high spirits and giving me such kind words to help me stay motivated to get where I am today. Everyday we learn something new whether we realize it or not. When were not so busy caught up in the world and get the chance to step back use that time to influence you how you can do better. As most know I did not graduate from high school. I was pregnant by seventeen married by eighteen divorced by twenty. We always have a dream or vision of how life should be or what we want it to be but truth is no matter how hard we try to make it what we want there will always be something thats going to throw us off course. After three years I finally graduated with my GED. Never would I have thought I would be a teen mother with no education and married and divorced already! Sure something always sounds good within that moment but we forget or lose sight of what the consequences may be. This is were i learned my lesson on (Think before we Act/ Or Speak). For those who dont know yes richard and I are no longer together, We are now divorced but working through our problems. Our relationship will never be the same but as friends we are stronger than ever. We are no longer together and I do not forsee us getting back together but it is nice that we were able to mend the issue and become friends again. As for what happened between us I do not wish that was how things ended but I can say Im thankful for the lesson i have learned and I grew up from the whole situation. Rummors will always spread people will always gossip or have there own way of taking in a story but unless you do not fully know what was said then you should not say anything at all. Nor should you be telling someone elses business even if you do know. It takes a long time to become trusting of someone, so why would you want to break such a bond that you have with someone? Think before you act or speak. Because of the nasty break up People watched me hit rock bottom. It was there glory time they had all sorts of nasty things to gossip about and say about me. To set the record straight for anyone who has been with someone for five years think of the major emotions your going to experience especially married. Love is suppose to conquor all and when it doesn't you feel like you failed and anyone who knows the feeling of failure goes on a down hill spiral. When you have failed as a wife you feel that you fail as a friend, and a mother. If i couldn't have held my marriage together for myself and for the girls what was my purpose? For months i hid my feelings I never wanted to look weak. I partied and lost a reason to care. I stayed a good mom and placed the girls with there fathers care for i felt at that time was what was best for them. Doesnt mean im a bad mom or stopped loving them I don't think you can ever stop loving your child, but they did need to be in a stable envirornment and for anyone who put me down because of it has no idea how low i felt. and i needed to find myself. Here I am a year later some days are better than others but I still have insecurties worries and things i struggle through. Who doesn't? But to be so young and to come out of a divorce and now be on my way to school, have my career lined up I would say I held it together the best I could have at that moment and got my shit together. I love my daughters they are my world and my rock without them I probably would be way off the grid getting into who knows what. But im not. Im here supporting two children the best I can while trying to support myself and get myself where I should have been before i jump the trigger to starting a family. I can admitt im not as mature or nearly responsible as I thought I was. It took me to lose almost everything to realize I am still a child and I still need help and I can't do it all on my own and I need to slow down. Were always in a rush, to work, to school, through anything but slow down when it comes to growing up. Life is very short before you know it you will be graduated and out on your own when that day comes make sure your prepared because if your not you could end up on the downhill spiral. Life is always about a lesson how to work through it & what the value of that lesson is. Complaining is the easy route but taking the time to figure it out is worth the struggle. When asked the question what could you change about your life. Nothing is the answer. Because without downfalls we wont know how to be strong enough to stand where we stand today. Choices know your choices and consequences that go with them. Education isnt just about going to school and learning all about math science english and history its also about everyday life that help you make better choices to push forward. Never judge for it is ignorance. Were all different and were made that way for a reason no ones opinion is ever wrong nor right its an opinion and if it happens to be one you dont agree on so what you will never see eye to eye with everyone doesn't make them a bad person simply shows you the different CHOICES you could make in life. Until we open our eyes to what is actually out there and take advantage of our education we will continue to live in a hateful world. Everyone wants world peace without having the open mind to start the trend.