Lost && Found

Im letting go of everything. Every emotion I ever felt is just being lost. I am so over annoyed pissed hurt confused lost at this point i dont even give a shit. I came out of a shitty break up this summer. I had all the friends in the world be there and stay by my side. Now who do i have to call && wanna hang out with? Who am i gonna text to cheer me up?! No one. All my good friends are outta state and miles away and i hope the selfish bastards who take me for granted feel like shit because my close friends outta state would do anything to have me be there and support && help them like i do you ignorant fucks here.Now see there is a lot of shit i keep to myself or just nod my head to even though i dont agree. As a good loyal friend who always keeps her word i stay by yourside till you say different. Well for whatever reason people seem to think im a mind reader and that im gonna understsand if im not talking to you anymore were not friends. Uh no bitch i dont get that if you dont say your upset with me or im bugging you im not gonna know && gonna keep bugging you till i piss you off and were at a screaming match! Im over it. I really am sick of people down my throat about how they dont matter and i dropped them off the face of the earth when truth is ITS YOU! when i call you dont answer. When i ask to hang out you say you have plans. When I offer my assistance in helping you say  your fine. Then i have to go on a fucking internet social network to find out your asking for help. or your bored and need plans. or your upset and wanna vent. YET WHEN I OFFER ALL THIS I GET SHIT ON! Im going through a rough time right now. I guess when your friends find boyfriends or get married you no longer matter cause your single and they dont have time to do anything with you. or even talk to you. Or when im upset and need someone and i dont turn to them im the shitty friend? No im so pissed! and annoyed! and feel just simply betrayed at how much someone changes over the course of a few weeks. I am honestly self destructing and shutting down. If im a bitch again im sorry. If i come off too strong. tough shit. If i just dont seem to give a shit anyore I DONT CARE! UGHH alls i wanted was to be loved and surrounded by good friends i can grow old with have get togethers with and just call when needed and when i wanna move to start knew to find these people im shitty. well as of now i simply dont give a fuck this girl is over love && friendship because to me its all bullshit!