Lost

So, i was thinking to myself tonight how lonely i feel. Sure i have lots of friends i text but i havn't been able to actually call someone and sit on the phone and have a real conversation and when i want to my options are limited. My mom is too busy to talk to me, my dad doesn't wanna hear my gossip or problems. And my best friend and i cross work shifts to be able to talk on the phone. I talk to a lot of people dont get me wrong but i feel like my only best friend is my husband and he gets sick of listening to me blab about everything going on in my life. It kinda hurts a little and i feel a little sad. The people who use to wanna spend time with me and go out on lunch dates or whatever stopped talking to me because i have managed to push them away. Not on purpose but simply because i have sheltered and isolated myself. I need to become social again and in a good way not some gossip snoody bitchy way. I often catch myself getting bossy and i dont mean to just my nature idk why i do it and it bothers me. Alls these things i pick out about myself that bother me i try to change and i feel im changing them for the worse. Im so emotional right now its crazy! i feel so stupid or like a crazy person venting about dumb things but if i dont get it off my chest it will keep bothering me and i will only get more upset and depressed. Ugh i wanna beat this terrible problem its such a daisy downer and i dont like it. Im usually a happy positive bubbly person! why? why me? why do i have to feel this way. I wanna be happy and feel whole again. I am slowly getting there and i know with time things will get better but when it comes to time there are some things i would love to speed up and certain things i wish i could freeze. Im not crazy i promise there is just so much built up emotion i need to let out that i dont know where to start my mind is like a high way its constantly going in a milllion directions with thoughts feeling and emotions. I am starting to see a change which is good but i have a lot of work in progress.