Simply Me

My name is Breanna I am 19 years old. I was born January 7th 1992. I decided to make a blog for myself to let out my hidden thoughts and emotions. I have lived a broken rollercoaster of a life. My parents never married they too where young parents. My mom had me at 18 and my dad 22. I have asked both sides of the story as to why things didn't work out and i finally stopped carring because they had so much built up anger towards each other it turned into them just bashing each other rather then knowing why it broke off. My father re-married to my step mom and from them i have a 10 year old sister. I also have a 4 year old brother i doubt i will ever meet but would like to one day. My mother has been re-married and divorced twice. I have one brother from her and he just turned 13.
My whole life is kinda a blurr as to what happened when i was younger. I just remember lots of fighting when i lived with my mother and i finally moved in with my father and step mom at age 7. We moved to Tennessee and thats where i grew up until i was 14. I have been through hell and back with family issues. Some days i feel like i was never really wanted because i was an un planned baby. since my mother had my brother and my father my sister they were both "wanted" and planned. i know there young parents and at that age it is hard to raise a baby im raising two on my own at 19. but i never would have thought that i would be pushed off to the side. I lived a trouble life i was always trying to seek attention love and affection from people mainly guys in my life which didn't go so well for me. After a while i lost self respect and didn't care how i was treated as long as i was seeking attention. Looking back on it i am hurt and disgusted because as i grew up i know i deserved better for myself.
The choices i made in my life i have hurt and affected a lot of people. In my own selfish ways i didn't care but the more i grow up the more its starting to later on affect me as well. Im learning everyday as i go how to deal and make smarter choices in life. Now having two little girls to look after i need to continue to better myself and be a good roll model to them. They are my everything and i never want them to live a life or experience the pain and hurt i did as a child. Sure the photos look like i was a happy kid and yeah my parents may buy me everything i ever want but its outta guilt not because of love but because of guilt. I refuse to do that to my kids they are spoiled with love and attention and if they get things its outta the kind of heart of because i love being able to get them things. My life is full of crazy and this is just the beginning.