I married who I thought was the man of my dreams may 1,2010. I say I thought because as a year passes of being married everything took a turn for the worse. My husband was enlisted in the United States Navy. I have my thoughts as to why he came home and he has his, in my mind i feel my reason is more truthful than his but ever since he came home our relationship went down hill. He said he wanted to be home to be with his family and help me with the girls because he felt that being away he wasn't helping me any, which he was helping me out more then than he what he is doing now. I have a lot of built up anger towards him and its slowly starting to come out. Audrina is our 1st born she was not planned but was talked about numerous times. We both wanted children but still wanted to wait till i at least graduated high school to start a family. Little miss audrina had other plans for us. I grew to be very excited about being pregnant, I knew for a few months and didn't want to tell richard because he had decided to join the navy and i felt if i told him he would use her as an excuse not to go and not make something of himself.
A few months passed and i finally told him i think when i told him i was hitting 14 weeks he was a little upset but very quiet and thought i was joking at first. He wasn't as excited as me because he was leaving which i understood. But we now have a 2nd daughter to the mix of our chaotic life and with him being able to be home experience her birth i was hoping he would be more happy. I hurt becaues i love my girls so much & for someone to just not wanna spend every second with them upsets me. Im hurting even more that i have tried talking to him numerous times about my feelings and emotions and continues to live his life the same. I have realized over these past few months that the man i met 4 years ago and the man i married a year ago are two different men or maybe the same guy but i was just missing the part im seeing now. With that said i can't change him and i can't make him happy. Im coming to my breaking point and i dont think he see's this. i have told him several times how upset and hurt i am have asked for a separation and break to breath and clear my head and nothing has changed. I just wanted my family to be happy and together but thats in a fairy tale and i need to wake up and smell reality. My life isn't perfect and its always been broken so i dont know why it would ever accure to me that it would be healed. i can only cover the cracks with tape for so long before it loses its stickyness and pulls apart. I have given it my all and tried everything but i have come to the acceptance that its just not gonna work.
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